​I’m tall and I like to drink. I come from a good Mormon family. I get depressed often which is unfortunate because I have a lot of potential that I squander away. I like to fuck and masturbate when I have no one to fuck. I get in fights often recently and I don’t really know why. I get stressed out about shit that never materializes. Even when it does materialize I think I suffer more negative consequences from the stressing than I do the actual consequence. I used to believe in God. If I was left to my own devices I would probably get drunk and do drugs all day. I dislike authority. I like to make a scene. If I had to choose between eating and partying I chose partying every time. Dancing is fun. I like to learn but only when I’m sober. I have a hard time waking up after a long night of partying. Girls are fun to fuck but I hate having to deal with them, especially when they might be pregnant with my children. I think about killing people a lot. More than I do about killing myself. If I was okay with killing myself I would probably be okay killing other people. I think I am smart but when I reevaluate anything I do I feel firmly in the average. On some points I feel superior, like my position at work. But I attribute that mostly to my clean looks and calm demeanor. If looks could kill then I would focus on improving my looks more. I don’t like fat or lazy people. The biggest thing I hate about life is that we can’t do more drugs and still be productive members of society. I really like cheese but I am lactose intolerant but I still eat quite a bit of cheese. If I could live anywhere it would be in burgundy France. If I could have any profession it would be a wine grower/maker in Burgundy france. The best film I have watched lately was “A Year in Burgundy.” My greatest weakness is that I am easily influences by movies and entertainment. I don’t get zits anymore. I am 27 years old. I have a big cock, a high pitched femmy voice and poor posture and a big gut and a double chin if I am looking at you at the wrong angle. Which is most of the time because I am 6’ 4 ¾” and when I look down my double chin appears. Yes I am running to fix this. No I am not eating better or drinking less beer. 

I've already lost my train of thought, but I just want to get some words going here and I hope that as the night progresses I can remember the insightful things that I think of. So that I can get some sort of record on my own life. Leave some remnant of a human existence. Hopefully I can be remembered for a couple generations. That's all I ask. To be remembered for a couple generations.

As a sort of despondant, I'll passive agressively write about my past week. Fuck that. I don't do passive agressive. 

This week I don't have to work. This is because we doubled revenue this year, so my boss gave me the week off PAID. It's like my Christmas bonus. So I get a week to get wasted every night. And see life from the other side. I am planning on writing a few chapters on my cult book this week. I think I could crank out a few chapters. Just hoping I don't turn into a drug addict first. That is my struggle. Writer vs. Drug addict. That is a UFC fight I would pay to watch.

Speaking of watching games I watched the Jazz game tonight at the O'Shucks bar on 100 south. Jazz won barely, even though they were up by 20 points at first. There was a hard body at the bar, but her friend ran "Reality Kings" and "Wicked" a couple porn producers. Which was weird because he seemed like a total dork. He was falling all over this girl's boobs.

Half the time I think me life is going to careen into addiction and prison. But I am pleasantly surprised to find out that the world appreciates people like me. Which is good. Because I always felt sort of like a reject growing up.

by John Grimshaw

(Raw excerpt first draft. I know there are mistakes.)

Whether or not to have your name removed:

​This is a touchy situation. Often with deep feelings of resentment, an Exmormon considers if they should have their name removed. This text simply provides information about the process and will allow the reader to make their own decision.
(Research if needed)
BYU students beware. Can lose ecclesiastical endorsement.
The church record office keeps track of all member records. They are linked with your family. Within recent times these records are all digital, and a request is processed quickly.
A fair warning, this can cause quite the chain of events. When the church gets your request they forward your request to your stake president and bishop. If they don’t have a current address for your membership, they may also contact the stake president and bishop of your parents or near relatives. Bishops and Stake presidents are then strongly advised to request meeting with you. Your name is not removed until they process your request, unless you explicitly say in your request that you are not to be contacted. (at the end of this chapter will include a sample letter as well as information for contacting the church).
I recommend that people be completely open with their family members before having their name removed. In order to maintain healthy relationships with family members, the dialog needs to be open.
If you do decided to meet with your bishop and stake president the interview may go as good or bad as the leader themselves makes it. Some leaders are open and may have concerns themselves. Talking through your concerns about the church may help alleviate some of the pressures you will have to face. If they are a good Christ-like servant they profess to be, your friendship may continue on as good neighbors and friends outside of the church.
 
Things to remember:
In the minds of Mormons, when you have your name removed, you are more or less revoking your own baptism. This puts you at best in the Terrestrial Kingdom (the middle one), which is squarely in a different region than most of your Mormon family. Some radicals say that you are denying the truth and qualify for outer darkness. This is unlikely, even if you were a Bishop or Stake President although some uneducated Mormons might think this of you. So just think about this.
If your parents are hard-core believers, they will think you are lost for eternity, which can be hard for some Mormon mom’s to deal with. So by leaving your name on the records you are considered “inactive” which is a much easier pill to swallow.
If you are married - by redacting your membership, you are also effectively cancelling your temple marriage because you are losing the priesthood. The only way to get this back would be to be rebaptized, get the aaron AND then the melchezedik priesthood again. Go through the temple again and get sealed again. Quite the process and unlikely to happen. Sometimes its best to just let them keep the hope alive. But if you truly deconvert, for many, the fact that the church still thinks they’ll come back is enough to push the eject button all the way. Others are still sealed to you. Parents and such. Handbook 1. Section 3.6.1, Effects of Excommunication or Name Removal. After a husband and wife have been sealed in a temple, if one of them is excommunicated or has his or her name removed from Church membership records, his or her temple blessings are revoked. However, the sealing blessings of the innocent spouse and of children born in the covenant are not affected. Children who are born to a couple after one or the other has been excommunicated or had his or her name removed are not born in the covenant. Section 3.6.2, Status of children when a sealing is cancelled or revoked: Children who are born in the covenant or sealed to parents remain so even if the sealing of the parents is later (1) canceled or (2) revoked by the excommunication or name removal of either parent.

I follow a few really good blogs. This is not one of them. They are very well thought out and have references. They put a lot of time and effort into them. Melting Asphalt and Slate Star Codex. I found these from Tim Ferris. They don't post too often. This is because they take time compiling and combing through their posts before publishing. Eventually I might do that. We'll see. Or this might just be like a hidden facebook feed. Full of drivel. Oh well. (Sense the disparity in my tone? God I already hate myself for writing this shit.)

Here's a new blog. Its getting dark and I need something to do at nights. I usually turn to writing at these times. Well first video games, and then I get bored of those, and then writing. Well the internet first, and then it gets me thinking and I want to write. So internet video games and then here goes...