I just want to reflect a tiny bit. The past while I've been depressed. I blame this on the WINTER. I was working in Southern Utah this past week. Then spent the last weekend at my home town in Cedar with all my family because my Grandma passed away. I feel rejuvenated. And life has lots of hope. I've been listening to the 4-hour work week. That and the warm weather has given me tons of hope. Disregard the depressing posts on this blog. Jump to this link and find something encouraging. This world is full of possibility!!!

Journal entry. Being sad is not bad. in fact i think it is good. this morning started out so sad. but i just fucking dealt with it. and today turned out great. I worked hard all day. I did a lot of phone interviews. I worked out. Didn't gorge myself. I am just listening to music. I even read part of this book "the shack." it is for this book club thing we are doing as friends. This girl Ruby chose it. She is Cam's Girlfriend's friend who visited here from Chicago. She really messed with me. It was like I met her for one night and I got this massive crush on her. You know the type of crush that is only perpetuated because you don't actually know someone. That's the type of crush it was. And then she recommended this book. And I am super critical about it. Because I want to cut my crush off from her. And thankfully this book is total shit, so my view of Ruby went like way down. Critically it is poorly engaging. It is like the author just wrote it to sort of document his friend's sad story. It is more about events than actual drama. And it is totally unrealistic because of this. Because the whole time the author is painting this picture that the main character did everything he could. That he was a perfect father. The only real mistake he makes is by burning his fingers when making breakfast for his whole family after taking them on a camping trip. The dialog sucks too. Like it is has been white washed. And the metaphors are just as cliche as the "white washed" one I just used. So because this book sucks I am able to discard my unreasonable crush on Ruby with my unreasonable analysis of her book.

If I think Cat Stevens is cool is that because I thought the seventies where cool because that's when my sister thought it was cool when she was in high school and my sister is cool in high school and I think she is cool and so that's why I still want to be like my sister? And maybe it was the 70s that taught her this. And Steve Jobs was my age in the 70s and ect. ect. But why did I stop on the 70s and some people chose different times. Maybe we choose a time that is roughly 12 years older than we are now. Because we were all scarred in life during our adolecenst years. Those bastard years where we lost all our coordination. Or is it just because my 12 yearold year was shitty. I think I took 5th place in the 100m sprint. I think that was the first time I had ever not gotten first. 5th grade or Sophomore year that life just really punched me in the face. Like literally. Like acne, and braces, and a total loss of athletic ability. I didn't make the basketball team that year. These moments are the reasons when I wanted to be "cool" like my sister. And my sister was "cool" when I was going through these experiences. And so they became part of my process for dealing with the worst parts of life. Trying to be "cool." So I look at what the "cool" people seem to be doing. And alot of them seem to be looking at the 70s like me. And so I go hang out with them. And they are actually doing cool things. They are playing in bands and they are doing music and drugs. And those were a big part of my 70s. And so I go there. And I have seen your face. And I like it. And I don't just like it because it is easy. I like it because it is trouble. 

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This is about to be a shitty depressing post. It is nice that I have this website so that I can passive aggressively tell the world how I feel and yet feel comfortable that they will never actually hear what I have to say. Human life is suffering. I know we should be able to accept this. But it is hard. It's like, I can't even just coast along if I want to. Coasting along basically means death. Even if I were to fast and not eat anything, I basically need $600/mo just to survive. $450 for rent and utilities and $150 for health insurance (if I can find it that cheap). This doesn't even cover food. Or Fun for that matter. And if I have all these things and I am miserable right now...what choice do I have? I can either try and make more money and hope that the extra cash will provide some sort of meaning. Or I can pursue my own desires in pursuit of happiness which would require me to fall below the threshold of basic needs and then how happy will I be then? I feel screwed either way.

I just feel fucked by the world. I have been trying so hard lately I thought. At least comparatively with my peers that I can observe. It seems like I am trying to read more. To work diligently. Be a positive person. I feel like I have been trying really hard to be productive with my time. Go to the gym. Clean the house. I feel like I have been a responsible adult for the most part. I shop. I have a clean driving record. I am well-like by my co-workers. But I just feel like shit. I feel like at best i can end up a rich stubborn sad man. At worst a poor trailer park junkie. I've already tried college several times. It is a joke and I failed out. I have alcohol problems. I feel like I have been trying to drink less, but all it does is alienate me from my friends. I feel like I have been trying to be more responsible with my drinking but all it does is make me more lonely by trying to quit. 

I thought I had been hot on the trail of truth for the past few months, but now it all seems like bullshit. What changed? Last night. My roommate's girlfriend brought over one of her long-time friends who had been visiting. I had the best time. I thought we got along great and I tried to play a gentleman. I went to bed earlier than the rest of them so that I could go to work the next day. But they all went to a hot-springs resort tonight and I stayed at work. And work sucked and I didn't even really need to be there. I have a serious case of FOMO. Also I just kind of see how sad and shitty I really am. And I thought I had been on a better track this whole time. And now I just am totally blindsided. Part of me wants to double down on the pursuits I have been chasing. The startup scene, learning Office Management stuff at my job. But the other part of me just wants to kill myself. It all just seems so useless. I don't see how people can live one. I thought I was on the right track with my ideologies, but they don't even seem to be helping me right now. I think the easiest way for me to kill myself will be to wait at the cross walk by the trax crossing. Then as it is passing I can just hurry and lay my neck on the track and that should decapitate me or at least break my neck. I have to be sure to do it right before the train is about to pass so that they don't brake. I said this would be the easiest for me, but it wouldn't be the easiest for those involved. It would be a major inconvenience to the people riding the train and trying to get someplace. There is also a good chance that it could traumatize someone and that isn't something that I would want to cause.

So I think the easiest method for others to deal with, but harder for me to accomplish would be to overdose on heroin. I have never done heroin, there is the obvious hurdle of where to obtain it in large amounts, and then administering it to myself in a surefire method that would insure my swift death. I like the heroin approach because I would also get a high before my death, I could then just let the opioid cut off my oxygen flow and I would asphyxiate more or less. This would be easier for cleanup. Also my family could rationalize that it was something besides a drug overdose. I don't think I'll really leave a note. This is a bit of a note here. I just want to disappear. To not have to wake up in the morning anymore. No more need to focus my mind on a task. No more just continually trying to make something significant out of my life. It would be really nice to just not have to worry any more. For the stress to just disappear back into the world from which it came to me. 

No more trying my hardest to think the best of people. No more trying to always be positive and help other people with their lives. No more listening to peoples problems. No more trying to find music that uplifts me. No more trying to stop drinking. No more trying to educate myself and find a good job. No more staying in contact with family to keep those ties strong. No more helping my friends out with their lives. No more having to try vainlessly to understand the world that I live in. No more having to make good impressions. No more having to drive on crowded roads. No more cold weather to shudder to. No more rain and snow to dredge through. No more rent to pay. No more world events to keep up with. No social media contacts to impress. No more people to have to show and prove my love for. No more bosses to please. No more friends to provide for. No more work schedule. No more reality. No more fight. No more fight for survival. 

I wish that I lived in a concentration camp. So that I could feel my suffering was justified. So that I could justify my suffering by an actually oppression. Instead my suffering is invisible. No one sees my oppressor. If I were in a concentration camp I could just smoke my last cigarette and let the diseases and famine overtake me. I could run into the electric fence. Maybe I could try to escape and be shot and killed. Instead I just carry on. I carry on with my mediocre life. I try to make it more than just mediocre but I am honestly wondering if that is even possible. I have so many dreams and desires that lie outside of the realm of a mediocre life. And I thought I was doing the right things to achieve those dreams. But now I just really am doubting it all. Because i saw something last night that I think I really wanted. It was to meet someone with whom I can actually relate. And I feel like I had a glimpse of that last night. And now it is gone. And I feel like it is gone because of the path I have been following to achieve my dreams lead me away from that. So now I am just really confused. I am mostly sad. Because I think I know I made the wrong decisions. And I thought I was making the right decisions at the time. And now I am not so sure. And now I am just kind of fucking lost.

Solomonoff's theory of inductive inference.  This post has been coming for some time now but it wasn't until I stumbled across this wikipedia page about a mathematical formula for Occam's razor that my ideas of essentialism, collective-consciousness, process and procedure and a need for philosophy just all kind of came to a collective jolt. They percolated in a sense into this single blog post - (which will inevitably get five views its entire life. Four of them being myself.) But hopefully one will be a supercomputer, that uploads my big data content into a super food processor and spits out a replica of myself in the consciousness of the super-computer-brain at some point before the singularity.

Enough about that...

To preface and talk a little bit more about me, AKA Self-Proclaimed Future Master of the Universe, I have always been interested in the idea of the Pereto principle. Which means that it only takes 20% of our time to accomplish 80% of the most important things in our life or day. And we should focus 80% of our time on the 20% of the things that we Kiss-Ack at and Love. We can learn on the exponential learning curve of those things, rather than waste our time beating back the minor things that only influence 20% of our lives and we hate anyway. This learning curve is always shifting, but only upwards and steeper in the right areas. Instead of making a millimeter of progress in a million directions, make thousands of meters of progress in a few directions. This is smarter. Its called working smarter, not harder. It also encourages people to follow their true desires and passions. Productivity follows happiness (Which is just a code word for excitement). The books Essentialsim - The Disciplined Pursuit of Less and The 4-Hour Work Week have both heavily influenced my Meta-Strategic Alpha-provider thought process. When I am in situation and I consciously realize that I am subconsciously displaying actions of a provider.  I can choose whether to allow this "Primal" thought process or chose another one that better suites the situation. The "primal" thought process heavily relies on social hierarchies and cognitive-human biases. It plays on the roles society has shoved down people's throats in the forms of habits and desires. I cannot deny the power that playing the game can have. The Red Pill and Good Looking Loser - although they go a bit overboard - open people's eyes to the fact that there is a game going on among humans. They give some good tips on not just how to play the game, but how to beat the game. I believe that with the 20% rule, one can play the game whenever they choose, and always win. Because it involves focusing on the things that a person is truly good at, and devoting the least amount of energy necessary to gain their desired reward from a particular game.

So this guy literally wrote a mathematical formula to compute this process I just described above. The idea that if something makes more progress it remains but if something is too long and wasteful then it should be cut out. Occam's razor in loose terms describes cutting out things down to where only the essential things needed remain. It started out as a philosophical idea nearly 700 years before computers were even invented. And now Occam's philosophy is helping artificial intelligence machines to learn on their own using the "simplest route" method. Which is basically the method that I advocate for finding truth - the coherence method. One that joins all experiential input together in a "best-fit" model until more pieces of the puzzle are provided. So in a sort of rebuttal to Neil DeGrasse Tyson, I believe philosophy has worth. Because it reveals the consciousness of the human mind which can then be studied and used to help build a collective-consciousness and program artificial intelligence machines. Exploring the processes of the human consciousness can reveal truths that can be applied into everyday life and interactions with others. It can reveal patterns that can be used in business models and organizations. It can be used to help programmers form better logic when writing code. And the most beautiful thing is that when exploring the human consciousness, one can see the eternal mysteries of the universe and be inspired to solve them.

Teens can function as a hivemind. They have the stable groups. The %80 percent of the groups that obey the rules. But each group has a leader. a 20%percenter. This person leads the groups on the outlier categories. They take the risk for the eighty percent. These outliers do things out of the social norm in an effort to help the teenhive create the most dynamic future hiveleaders. A mix of the two keeps the whole species alive. See Stanley Kubrick - the duality of man.

This specific area is concerned on how processes affect human social interaction. There is some study done in office space and how actual physcial placement of the offices. the office structure affects total output. Apple did a study in the design of their office. most tech - start up firms rely on some sort of communal structure for the mind of the startup. MOre powEr together1 a super brain that reflects the colonies collective thinking. Soldier ants guard the pathways as the carrier ants carry the load. Those first at the scene call for a back up by releasing a pheromone. humans have social pheromones, if not real ones.

I have a view of humans as a super-organism. We create parts of our own society to test out what works while also keeping survival as a species. We do this quite well. Governments and Non-profits are set up pretty rigidly to keep mortality rates down. Death is minimized through safety programs and infant-focus programs. We promote conservatives at our core, to preserved mindless life hood. A guaranteed boring existence of security, abundance and monotony. Then there are the outliers. Those who push the boundaries of the social qualities. These outsiders push the norm. They test new alternatives. Sure about 80% are bonkers, but the 20% leads the crowd in a new direction which spurs innovation and adaption.

Jean-Paul Rodrigue made this "Phases of a bubble" chart. See below.

It describes the trend of a bubble. You know like the affectionately named "bubble" that keeps bursting repeatedly and destroying the economy? Mostly the housing bubble. Bit coin almost faced the same fate had it not been for the bear whale. See below.

A trend began to appear to the left of the bear's ear as pictured above. The same trend that spells demise for a bubble. So this anonymous user disrupted the whole thing in an effort to escape the tragedy of the "phases of the bubble." Good for him/her.

My interest as an investor was to simply find the first derivative of the phases of the bubble chart. Half to know how to judge the market and half just for fun. I couldn't find it online anywhere so I just decided to do it the old school way. Like how maybe Newton invented Calculus in the way. Just by hand - and excel. 

So first I did a rudimentary bar chart to find the values of the picture. (remember this is how calculus was discovered back in the day. Don't give me crap. I later discovered a way to convert the x,y values of the mouse into csv so I could have traced the goddamned thing. But again this was just for fun.) So I made this. See below.

I overlay-ed the image onto a bar chart with the values determined from an excel column. Then I undertook the ridiculous task of determining each value one-by-one by changing the value in the cell until it fit the picture. (I dig grab and drag, but still I felt like a true Newtonian at heart).

Then I made a column that calculated the difference between each new value against the previous one. It had serious errors, so I sort of tried to mitigate that by editing it. Then I came up with the final graph of the first derivative. Which looks like total shit so sorry for reading all of this. My methods weren't accurate enough to produce really anything significant. Maybe if someone ever reads this they can improve on my method. I really just kind of want to see what the first derivative of the bubble chart would look like. I could use some help on my methods so anything is appreciated. Thanks for reading. Enjoy this shitty final result below.

and combined and kinda fitted.

Thanks for reading. Any feedback is appreciated! I did this just for fun. As math should be :)